VAR Is Worse Than "Cats"

By John Sloop (@NCAMookie), staff writer.

Like everyone else, I just finished spending a lot of time celebrating the holidays, drinking with family and watching a lot of soccer. Unlike a lot of you, I also went to see the film “Cats” during the holidays. (Well, OK, I went to see a portion of “Cats.” I walked out early).

Having seen “Cats” during a period in which I was also watching what I thought was a great deal of horrific usage of VAR, I couldn’t help but juxtapose the two. So, in place of my normal column, I offer you two short lists. The first is a list of reasons why VAR sucks even more than “Cats” and the second is a list of awful items that are still better than VAR.

1. Reasons “Cats” Is Better Than VAR

  • You can walk out on “Cats” as soon as you realize it sucks.

  • Unlike VAR, there are moments during “Cats” when you will find yourself strangely and uncomfortably titillated.

  • The weirdness of Judi Dench licking her cat butt. It’s not a pleasant sight, but it’s one of those things that is so unbelievable that you at least get lost contemplating where we are as a culture.

  • The Rum Tum Tugger. Even badly performed, that particular cat is a badass.

  • While I think the answer is ultimately no, you find yourself asking, “Can we turn this into a Rocky Horror type thing?” And that time contemplating is far better than VAR.

  • If you complain about “Cats,” and call it the “worst thing ever,” there’s no douchebag who rushes in to defend it, as happens with VAR (see, e.g., my editor).

  • You don’t have to watch "Cats" from 15 different angles and in slow motion to know it sucks.

  • Some very likeable and worthy people got a payday off of it. By definition, the people involved in VAR are not worthy.

  • Twizzlers.

  • “Cats” is only horribly bad once.

2. Sucky Things That Are Still Better Than VAR

  • “Cats”

  • Scott’s Tots

  • Talking about Arsenal with Andy Simmons

  • The How I Met Your Mother series finale

  • Holiday family gatherings

  • Listening to Davey explain the meaning of "Going Full Shepherd" to Nashville SC General Manager Mike Jacobs

  • The Big Bang Theory

  • Heineken 0.0

  • Having Ben Wright edit your writing

  • Soccer jersey leaks

  • OrangeTheory Fitness

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